I bumped into Lightning Lilly during a past life as a hospitality manager. It was during a bizarre time for me because I was also in an ‘open relationship’ as my flav-del-la-flav of the time lived overseas. The deal was we were free to date others, but never discuss it. I could write volumes on why this doesn’t work for lesbians, but maybe another day.
Anyway, I was prepping food for the night whilst tolerating the interruptions of steady stock deliveries. The last delivery person came bustling through the concertina doors, piled high was her trolley with awkwardly arranged bags of flour.
Our eyes met and we froze. (It was that squirmy moment lesbians experience when they bump into each other in public. Gaydar sirens bleat, hot flushes occur, bulky objects are sought to hide under. And in the rare event that you are also attracted to each other, (which we both so very obviously were), this phenomenon is vividly exaggerated).
I exploded into activity: taking over the heavy lifting (which I NEVER do), whilst providing encouragement, support and gentle direction, (chortling internally at my blatant charm and the effect it was having on this gorgeous creature).
The moment she blushed I knew I had her, all I had to do was close the deal without appearing very interested. But first I had to establish common ground AND check out if she was a single lesbian. (There is really only one way to do this without blowing your own cover when probing a potential date in a non-official environment). After all the paper signing and checking off tinned pineapple, I said “Hey, you on Pink Sofa?” She replied “no but I am thinking about it”.
Interpreted that means: yes I am lesbian or bi (because straight people don’t know about Pink Sofa), and yes I am single, or planning to be now I have met you. Then she mentioned something about going on a ‘charity ride’ which instantly got my attention, because that represented an opportunity to engage. I showed great interest in her novel pursuit, which earned me her email address. (One may be tempted to insert a nerdy smiley face, but fortunately they weren’t invented back then).
I left it 4 days then sent her an email. She responded in 30 minutes – she was eager.
Your blog is awesome, and I can't wait to read more. I would actually be interested to read why you believe open relationships/ethical non-monogamy don't work for lesbians. It's certainly not my experience or the experience of the many other queer women I know who hapily make the choice. Whenever I hear blanket statements about lesbians and lesbian relationships, it always tells me more about the way the speaker essentialises women. I'm not being combative, by the way, I just think it'd be interesting to read more. Looking forward to future posts!
ReplyDeleteHey hey oflowerpersuasion. Thanks for your feedback and good call on my blanket generalization - I make them a lot, not because I am closed minded but probably because I am not attached (to the generalizations) and seek a decent discussion about it.
ReplyDeleteI have not had enough interaction with women who can mentally deal with non manogamy, and believe me, I crave it! Would love the chance to hear more from you about it..