Google Eyes

About 3 years back I experienced a whirlwind affair with a woman several years my junior. This is unusual as I find youth an unattractive colour on me most days. Bit like getting a new pup, the excitement wears off after they shit on your rug. I think ‘younger people’ are great, just as long as I don’t have to engage with them. I am the world’s youngest curmudgeon, also known to terrorise stray children from my front lawn with a cane.

Google was about 5 years younger, which is almost a generation in my encyclopaedia.

We met at one of those Pride inspired fair days. I was volunteering as a ‘promo’ girl for Pink Sofa when she approached. Her ‘friend’ had put her name down to assist with promotions so we were introduced, something like '..and this is Google Eyes, she is temporarily staying with me, she’s from Sydney’ (nods and points at Google forcefully). Ok, so that wasn’t really her name, but protecting the innocent I am.

Google stared down at me (tall, she was, and athletic). I introduced myself back and felt her eyes burning into me, the way religious folk stare at you that moment before they think converting your soul is imminent.

Being quite flattered by her obvious attraction, I started to smile, a broad toothy trademark Zy grin (this is a typical nervous reaction usually serving to deepen the mess I am already in. For example when someone is yelling at me, or confronting me, an uncontrollable teasing smirk can erupt, frequently disarming my oppressor). We sparred a bit verbally before she was dragged away by the ‘friend’. Then, just before I finished promoting for the Sofa, Google returned, this time equipped with questions.

The interesting component in all of this was that I was trialling celibacy at the time. I had even hidden my profile from the Pink Sofa search feature for 7 days, that’s how serious I was about it.

I refused to give her my phone number, so she quizzed me for my Pink Sofa username. I told her I would be at the girlie dance event held after the fair, where she would be welcome to purchase my drinks. Also that I was not ‘available’ for anything else now that I was no longer sexually active amongst the lesbians. She agreed this was reasonable on the basis that lesbians can be very distracting.

To Be Continued..