Double Dumped

I feel there has been an imbalance. Most of my tales so far paint me as a tactical escapist, but believe me, I have a Post Grad in How to Get Dumped.

Once it occurred twice in 24 hours, from 2 women I met originally on Pink Sofa.

How can this be? When you dangle your toes in the dominion of open relationships it is easily achievable.

I was seeing a girl who lived overseas. It had been nearly 2 years of ‘long distance’ monkeyshines worthy of campfire horror tales. An affair that started in a 3 week frenzy driven by time constraint (she only had 3 weeks in the country) and lust. There were several trips within those 2 years and this last jaunt was a doozy. I learned about extraordinary new altitudes of lesbian relationship preservation, whilst attempting to extricate myself from being her doormat.

I was seeing another girl in my home country who suitably labelled herself as my pseudo girlfriend. I am always very open about my situation, and she was aware of the enigma who lived overseas. The truth was neither were my girlfriend, (no ring, no commitments, no puppy to share) just plenty of emotional diversion because evidently my vocation required no brain cells.

Anyway OS not girlfriend was supposed to stay with me for 3 months over summer. It was crunch time for us, make or break if you will, we needed to breakup or marry – seriously. But from the moment her plane touched down it was drama. First of all because I had to wait 2 hours for her to get through customs on account of the dust in her underwear, and then when she did barge through the double doors the first thing that caught my eye was the gargantuan suction mark on the side of her neck.

Fortunately I can now look back on that time without rolling in my own mouth foam (a recent development). What ensued over that 2 months was not unlike:

1. bungee jumping with faulty elastic cord fastened to my toes,
1. over a pit of rotted shrimp guts,
1.  cord giving way,
1.   landing in shrimp pulp, 
1.  then having to walk 100 miles for a shower with a supportive cloud of small insects.

(Perhaps more enjoyable).

And I think it was worse for her.

She dumped me on hour 22 of a 24 hour roadtrip at month 2, “You know I used to think you were the one for me” which was miraculously crushing.

Later I rang pseudo girlfriend for pseudo support. She told me “I met someone else.” I remember looking at my feet and thinking wow, this is how being double dumped feels, I need a cup of tea..